5/24/95
First Cancer Verdict

5/24/95:

Loved ones:

The news yesterday was somewhat bad, though not terrible. Sorry for the delay in letting you know, but when I got on last night, I found that I was just unable to speak.

It is cancer, but it's very small, and he thinks he got it all. I go back into surgery day after tomorrow (Thursday), this time a bit more ookey (a lymph dissection) basically to get information for a treatment decision.

Plan A is to do a mastectomy and chemotherapy, and plan B is to take only a little more proximate tissue out and do radiation. The operation Thursday will be to take various lymph samplings, and test them, just to be sure that there's been no invasion. Also, they've sent some material to a federal lab somewhere that specializes in testing whether there's estrogen receptor signs, which is an indicator of how invasive or not this is. And he'll also be meeting with the pathologist to consult. Using a combination of info, that will be how to decide which plan. Of course I wish to keep my hooters, they've saved me from many a speeding ticket and flat tire, but I have no problem with doing whatever I need to do. I told the doctor, it's like I've got a big canister of kerosene on my plane, and if I think the plane's on fire, I can jettison that canister RIGHT NOW, with no problem. As Oroborus pointed out, "If thine eye offend thee...."

Obviously, none of this was what I wanted (or expected) to hear. I really thought I was going to go in and hear, "oh, it was nothing -- ". Rationally, I stood a much better chance of dying when I was wandering into the Tenderloin at night and ministering to addicts, but emotionally I'm frightened, tho there's really no reason to be. Fortunately, lots of dolphin-style support. My niece is going to give me what I want most, a picture of her while still preggers, my girlfriend at work, Neerja, got me a bunch of carnations, as did my girlfriend, MaryEllen, at the OPB, and of course Malia, my sister, is hovering ever so. And I've got the wonderful Mystees, for which I'm very grateful.

The surgery will be much tougher than last week, and I will have to suffer thru general, so there's a possibility I won't log on Thursday night, so if that happens, please don't worry, it just means that I'm too groggy and lazy.

Pencil graphic from Hee Yun's Graphic Collection