5/26/95
By Their Lymph Shall Ye Know Them;
Malia's Cello

5/26/95:

Loved ones:

I think I'm going to do a mass-release thing on the current hap's, since typing seems to be a not-very-good-for-me thing.

I'm better today than yesterday. There's still amazing pain, and I'm still having to stay on the pain medication, so I sleep a lot. Day and night have lost their meaning, I come and go, drift, active when I can, sleeping the rest of the time.

I watched Philadelphia yesterday (finally!). Maybe not a very good choice, under the circumstances, and yet... I was very struck by the scene where he explains opera to his attorney. It was very parallel with the kinds of things I've been thinking about. What's important to me, how I feel about those things, like that. I thought about my sister, Malia, and cello music. Malia, it's been many years since you've played the cello, more years than some people have been alive. For example, as far as I know, your children have never heard you play. Yet, for me, you and cello music are very much entwined in my feelings-mind. Remember that Christmas, when we were still far apart, when I saw the string quartet in the mall, playing "Once in Royal David's City" and burst into tears? I think of you when I play YoYo Ma & Bobby McFerrin's "Hush" album. In fact, to me, you are LIKE a cello -- rounded, unusual, finely crafted. But you know, I never say these things. I should, we all should. Anyone who hasn't seen that movie, I hope you will.

My OPB girlfriend MaryEllen took me out for a few minutes yesterday evening, to get a book recommended by the Cancer forum, but other than that my lanai is my world. I'm thankful that it's pretty rich, for such a small world.  I look at the Pedro Point "peninsulette", that they so grandiosely call a second Diamond Head.  Actually, it looks like the islets off Kaneohe -- remember the turtle chasing the cockroach chasing the flea, and we would wait to see it as we rounded the curves of the Old Pali Road, and want to the be the first to shout at seeing it.  It looks amazingly like that, especially after such rains making it green.  I saw a red-tailed hawk this morning, solemn, sailing, undoubtedly annoyed at Pícaro's prowess at killing all the luscious prey the rains have brought.  But my favorite is a little male hummingbird who thinks he's Rambo.  When I come outside, he shoots straight up in the air, ZANNNG, and intimidates me away from his nest with his threatening glare and bizz-bizzing.

Last night I went out, 3 am or something, and it seemed very light.  Maybe a full moon? Couldn't tell, with the fog.  The waves were so loud, no competition from the distant traffic.  Windy.  Strangely warm, tho that might have been the meds.  It was very beautiful somehow.  I love ocean sounds.

Speaking of Pícaro, he's beside himself trying to attend to my nutrition.  He seems aware that I'm ailing, and his solution is to bring me the very best things to eat.  He brought me half a lizard, several enormous field mice, even a gigantic rat.  Yesterday, perhaps theorizing that I wasn't manly enough to eat such magnificent offerings due to their wondrous size, he brought me a tiny grey mouse.  He was FURious with me for not eating it, he simply can't grasp that humans could be so unutterably stupid.  He has so much pride that he, unlike lesser cats, can be such a fine and worthy provider, and then I don't even have the sense to eat what he's brought me.  This makes him very frustrated, especially with me frail and really NEEDing such rich nutrition.  Ah, well, there's no explaining some of the mysteries of life.

On the lighter side:
Things you never realized you do with your hooters:

• Open child-proof containers (try this one, wow!)
• Staple papers together
• Open the refrigerator
• Turn on 3-level-light switches

Pencil graphic from Hee Yun's Graphic Collection