Dominick and Lehua on Dom's final birthday
This page is to note and to honor far too many good people who have died of cancer, and to honor and attend to the sadness and caring of the loved ones who have suffered these losses.
Sunday morning just before 11:00 Dominick died. It was very peaceful, as they say. The family is sad and upset. Fortunately, the grandchildren were there at the time. He was coherent 3 times in the last two days -- twice when he asked for me, and the last time, to give the priest a bad time (you could neither bribe him with heaven nor blackmail him with hell). I'm so glad he never felt it necessary to change. Sometimes, when people are very sick, they stop being who you knew. But Dominick was Dominick to the absolute end.
His children were in a lot of pain, especially when they took him away, but I can see that eventually they will be alright. The priest told the granddaughters, "We'll see him again," and the oldest grandchild wailed, "But I miss him NOW!" What a real and definite thing to say. I feel the same way. She asked me why this had to happen, why did Papa have to die. Yeah. Where are the wise answers. If there is an afterlife, and sometimes I like to think there is, he will greet me at the gates with that combination of bellow and growl, "Get yourself a drink girlie!!!!" At 48, I loved being called girlie, and greatly hope that I hear it again someday.
I'm not sure what I'll do for a life now. When they said he would die at Thanksgiving, I developed a superstitious and silly belief that he would, in fact, die on that very day, and I was quite beside myself thru November. But then, when he insisted on surviving Thanksgiving, I developed an equally superstitious and silly belief that he would NEVER die, that he would be there when I got home from work each day, that he would send me for the gossip at his old-people's bar, that we would watch TV and chew the gossip each night. That it would go on forever, that he would always be there for me. When he said that he wanted that peculiar Irish dish, tripe and drisheen, one more time before he died, that kept me occupied and distracted. It was so complicated to find out what it was, much less to get the ingredients, much less to cook it, that I had no time to confront what was going on. I will never be prouder of anything in my life than to have gotten him that dish for Christmas. He had refused solid food for two weeks at that time, and there's no describing how I felt when he ate it all, and with such pleasure. He looked at me for a long moment, then said, "Heavenly!" And then, because he's stubborn, he made it thru New Years.
And then it was time.
Sean, Una's 18-month-old, was beside himself because Una was crying. Likewise Demo, the golden retriever (short for Demolition, if it gives you an idea of his disposition and mental age). It struck me that they were very much a pair in that they were both very sensitive to the pain around them, yet also unable to understand and be reassured by verbal explanations. And unable to understand that pain isn't permanent or fatal. So I spent much time with Sean. I told him that he's loved and safe, over and over, and that people don't stop loving you just because they feel sad. I hope he understands what I'm saying. I think he does. I told Demo more-or-less the same thing. Perhaps he, too, understood; one can hope. But nothing's going to make it easy or nice, for awhile. This will hurt for a long time, and then longer still at unexpected moments. Like Monday, that Texas football group were on in the front room, and I would be amusing Dominick -- he always thought it hysterically funny that I called them "the guys in the powder-blue costumes who have the Eiffel Towers on their hats." I would be especially airheaded, just to make him laugh. And that's what we would have been doing Monday. I wish we were.
.........Lehua
| ROBERT JON LEE LARSON | January 9, 1936 - March 27, 1996 |
| With permission of Judy Larson |
After two years and nine months, Robert won his struggle with the cancer dragon.
He is free of this beast who infiltrates and destroys, all the while torturing
the body and mind with it's pain, nausea, operations, chemo, blood tests, ruptured
veins, IVs, and everything else which is debilitating and incapacitating while
we try to use everything in our arsenal to keep it (pancreatic cancer) at bay.
He went into a coma at the hospital after severe hemorrhaging. He was still agitated
and in pain, but a little more morphine and Ativan helped him to relax. He was
non-responsive and we let nature take it's course. He lasted all day until that
strong and valiant heart finally slowed, then stopped. It was a gentle exit on
March 27, 1996, at 10:20 pm. A priest came in and said his blessing. His nephew,
Michael, is a minister and he was there and led a very touching prayer.
Robert always had great pride in his abilities and intelligence. He overcame
more in his life than most. Maybe that's what enabled him to outsmart that dragon
these past years. It was like a giant chess game.
Robert graduated from the University of Minnesota (with honors and two degrees)
without sight. Due to glaucoma and accidents, he lost sight in one eye at age
6. He had very poor vision in his other eye and, at age 16, lost the vision
in that eye. He had to constantly play catch-up because in the 60's, by the
time a textbook was translated to Braille or tape, the course was over. He had
readers and studied very hard. He had to take notes on a Braille slate by punching
dots and writing backward...no easy feat. No computers in those days. Only big
reel-to-reel tape recorders that were impractical to lug from class to class.
One thing that aided him was he had an excellent memory. He's had many wonderful,
supportive people in his life.
He had a deep love of classical music and I think we had every electronic
stereo device and speaker which was sold. He passed his ham radio technician
test, bought lots of equipment, but was too ill to continue.
He was a very independent person and had several guide dogs. He hadn't been
able to work with his present dog, Viking, for several months. Viking adjusted
pretty well after Robert died because there were many family members who loved
him and paid a great deal of attention to him. The Seeing Eye gave me permission
to keep him as a pet. Now I have a big, black German Shepherd to protect me.
He wouldn't hurt a fly, but we won't tell the bad guys.
Robert had been a computer programmer (his first love) and a machinist. He
owned his own machine shop which is being leased to his nephew. He owned his
own home. He was the most stable and most successful person in his family, despite
his hardships. He also remodeled a big house, including making all the kitchen
cabinets and changing the plumbing and wiring.
Robert always made an impression on the community. He was in the newspapers
several times as a young man for his achievements. He was also published in
the Cars and Clubs' Hot Rod Magazine. He built two hot rods, which his brothers
and friends raced for him. He won his races and so did his friends after he
finished working on their cars! He was nicknamed "Doc" Larson by the Minneapolis
Star newspaper because of his mechanical abilities.
Later, he was in the newspaper several more times because of his skill as
a machinist. He even made a video for the Department of Rehabilitation about
how he adapted his machines, using Braille and other devices.
When PC computers became available for home use, guess who was first in line?
His friends had great stories to tell, too, i.e. "We decided to go target
practicing at a remote gravel pit. We took your Covette and parked it safely
to one side of the pit. I'm sure I sounded a bit anxious as I had to tell you
that you were pointing the 9mm at the Corvette. Later I asked if you wanted
to drive the Corvette. It was a lonely country road and was perfect. Believe
me, the look on your face, and probably mine, should have been captured in a
camera as you smoked down the straight away." We all loved him so much that,
when conditions were safe, there were many things he tried that would amaze
most people.
I can't stop thinking about him. I wanted you to know how special he was and
how lucky I was that he loved me. We were married on January 23, 1994, so all
our plans, hopes, and dreams were gone in a short time. He does live on in my
heart and it seems like I am constantly thinking of him in everything I do,
say, think, or feel. He has been a major influence in my life in many ways.
Enya was Robert's favorite contemporary artist. The morning after he died,
I started the car and she was singing the song he loved the best. It is called
"Orinico Flow" but most people know it as "sail away, sail away...." We had
just been talking about the option of burial at sea and, though I know it was
a coincidence, I felt Robert was listening in. I was so startled to hear it,
I looked to see if the CD player or tape was running...but it was the radio.
I never would have made it without all my caring friends in the Cancer Forum.
I will always remember them as I continue my journey.
Judy Larson
Sadly, I wish to notify friends of Dee Ann that she passed away peacefully
in her sleep on the morning of June 15 1996.
She was cremated and a memorial service was held on Wednesday June 19. In lieu of flowers donations were given to Calvert Hospice.
I would personally like to thank friends here for the advice & comfort they gave her.
..........Nic
"Those who share their laughter and their smiles with everyone, and help others feel a sense of their own worth, are God's own special angels who may pass this way buy once. But who truly make a difference here on earth."
These words were printed inside a card his mother, Lindy sent to me. On the back it said "designed by Christopher." How like him to have prepared this card relieving his mother of the chore.
Chris and I met here on the Cancer Forum last December. He was 21 years old and suffering from tumors in his back and brain that were inoperable.
In my favorite letter from him, he showed how honestly he saw his
situation, and how strong his faith was in dealing with it.
Losing my hearing and facing tumours at first was a let down. I used to identify with a passage from a Pink Floyd song:
| "When I was a child I had a fleeting glimpse |
| out of the corner of my eye |
| I turned to look but it was gone... |
Chris' credo, prominently displayed in his room says:
|
"You must accept what has befallen you. You must accept it and go on. Because strength of spirit, unlike the strength of the tide, must not be allowed to ebb. Strength of spirit is all that makes us man. It is all that differentiates him from the animals. It is by this alone that man may consider himself civilised. This solely, must be the focus of your thoughts even though the pain you feel hinders you - ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THAT. Because the spirit must remain strong always. Always, or it is lost." |
| Chris |
| Walk with me a while |
| In a place where I am free |
| And talk with me forever |
| While you are you and I am me |
| And listen to my stories |
| That are welled up deep inside |
| Of places that I long to be |
| That exist inside my mind. |
|
|
| You see the man within me |
| Who can run and jump and play |
| The ones whose eyes can offer you |
| Great hope from day to day |
| And while I have uncertainties |
| of walking in the abyss |
| The little things about you |
| Will be what I truly miss |
|
|
| Yet untainted by the thought |
| Of ever bowing down |
| To the pressures of this mortal life |
| Devoid of any sound |
| My thoughts turn to a place |
| Where I long to be |
| A place where we can talk |
| Where you are you and I am me. |
|
|
| So if you ever worry |
| Of a time to say goodbye |
| Think back to only yesterday |
| When you looked into my eyes |
| And saw that crowed place |
| By a mountain, rock or stream |
| The place where we can live |
| You as you and me as me. |
For some reason the song "I want to soar like an Eagle...." keeps running through my mind.
...............Pat Curry in Florida
It is with a heavy heart that I have to report the news that Laura Manchester
passed away yesterday.
WHO'S LAURA?
While many of you may not know of Laura, she was very much part of a group
that was very active during the late 80's and early 90's here on the cancer
forum along with people like myself, her husband Jon, the one and only Mike
Kelly, the Foster's, and many others that frequented this comforting place.
On a personal note: As some may know... I lost my brother to cancer in 1991.
It was here on the Cancer forum during that period that I developed some of
the best friends I have to date. Jon and Laura Manchester were among those friends.
I consider Laura Manchester a roll model for anyone whether they are battling
this disease or not. She was an example of someone living life on her term.
Many people are aware of the fact that she was diagnosed with cancer over 10
years ago and in that time she defied the odds. She pushed and the cancer gave.
From obtaining her masters degree to raising 2 great kids she was one of the
most incredible women I have ever met. I only wish that those that suffer from
this illness could have known her... she was a true inspiration to us all.
"Endure, Adapt, and Prevail"
--- Reid Kleinman, 10/23/96
Dear Friends,
I'd like to thank the folks on the Cancer Forum for their kind expressions
of sympathy on Laura Manchester's death. I cannot deny the devastation that
cancer has wrought on our family, but the one good thing that came out of it
was a breadth and depth of friendship that surprises me even to this day. In
the ten years that my wife fought this disease, we have met some of the most
incredible people - many on this forum. We weren't able to escape cancer's devastation,
but I claim and give thanks for the good which it also brought.
We have not been active on this forum in quite some time. Our energies were
directed to other things. But the associations and friends that we made here
years ago are still incredibly meaningful to me. I am very grateful for my "forum
family" and hope that the newer members experience the same comfort and support
that we received through the years. I'd like to share a reading that was make
at my wife's funeral this past Saturday. My cousin Harvey Manchester put this
together through conversations with family and friends, and e-mail and forum
postings that he received from various sources. He took quite a number of excerpts
from Mike Kelly's posting on the forum here, so much of this may sound familiar
(I know Mike - you will be expecting additional royalties. I'll eventually send
some moo-la your way!). The remarks were read by Laura's cousin Bill Eaton.
My wife was an incredible person and it is hard to imagine life with the same
fullness now that she is gone. God bless everyone.
---- Jon Manchester
The following words about Laura are the words of many people. They come from
family, colleagues and friends. They are taken from sources as disparate as
a confab of sisters, daughters and spouse, e-mail, phone calls, internet bulletin
board postings, and even conversations overheard.
Many of us knew Laura as friend, whether from childhood, college days, church,
career, or, more recently cancer. It is amazing to observe how broad, how diverse
the company of those who call Laura friend really is. Laura drew much of the
richness of her life from this breadth and depth of friendship. In diversity
she both found and gave strength.
Laura's colleagues at work know the impact her courage and strength made in
their lives. Nursing was her chosen profession for a reason. She taught all
her life either formally or, more importantly, by example. It amazed many that
she could focus so brilliantly on matters at work, when she had so much else
to think about and do. And, always, she was kind and considerate. Her understanding
and detailed explanations helped get others through tough times and difficult
tasks. Some days, when things were not going well, coworkers would think of
her and find an inspiration. Her bravery and positive attitude became the inspiration
needed to get the job done despite the frustrations. She demonstrated that it
is possible to keep on going in the face of uncertainty and pain. She made those
who share her vocation proud of their profession.
Laura's sisters feel she somehow connected them all together, even though
as adults theyve mostly lived far apart. As children, they thought she was special,
the one who always studied so hard and managed to be so well behaved. (Of course
she did admit, years later, that by spending so much time hitting the books
she got out of all sorts of household chores. That just shows how smart she
was!) Her sisters say that although she never thought of herself as beautiful,
they knew her beauty. Lauras life has rubbed off on them. Her life may have
been too short, but for them it continues to have a long reach.
There is one among us who is particularly thankful that Laura had a high tolerance
for eccentricities. How many people would be willing to put up with, let alone
enjoy, a house full of Christmas trees, various electric organs, keyboards and
computers, not to mention a collection of wringer washers and spin dryers? The
fact is that Laura loved Jon extravagantly, not in spite of the things that
make him unusual, but because of them. She loved him for who he is, and in so
loving she brought to his life exquisite balance.
Laura treasured her daughters Kimberly and Katie. She seemed pleased that
each has her own distinctive personality and loved them both intensely. Sometimes
it seemed to them that she was constantly giving them advice, even when they
didnt think they needed it. But they realize that she was doing her best to
prepare them for the time when she would be absent, training them to take care
of themselves.
Then there is cancer. Cancer may have caused Laura's death, but it never succeeded
in taking her life. Cancer or not, Laura had a life to be lived, a husband to
be loved, a family to be raised, friends to be cherished, and, believe it or
not, a job to go to come hell or high water. No big deal. She just did it.
Over ten long, wonderful, arduous years, Laura did what came naturally to
her. We admired her when she really didn't want to be admired. We fussed over
her until it became obvious she wasn't going to allow it for much longer. We
were amazed with her tenacity, and yet she considered it just a normal thing
to go to work, for example, dragging her I-V along with her. So it is no wonder
we were all stunned that death could finally catch up with her. What an amazing
journey she made!
Laura didn't live by creeds or confessions or religious litmus tests, though
she had deeply held beliefs. Rather, she chose to live out of the radical faith
that grace pours all around us like an endless waterfall, that Gods best name
is Love, that every human being is of sacred value. As a result, she had an
open door policy that made anywhere she went a place of welcome. Many of us
found a safe haven in her home and in her heart. She never tried very hard to
convert us to anything. It wouldn't have occurred to her. Yet we know how much
she influenced us.
So, here we are today, gathered from many places, people of all ages and stations
in life. Look around and wonder who could gather such an interesting crowd.
Our tears will stop, eventually. The memories will live on forever. But for
now, we want to remember with a passion this woman we miss so much, this woman
we admired and loved.
We love you Laura, and we'll miss you like crazy. Til we meet again.
--- from Laura's services
Tom at rest Saturday, October 25, 1997 9:07:05 AM Dear Everyone, My darling Tom passed away yesterday, Fri, Oct. 24, at 7:00 A.M. He had fought so bravely and courageously for the past 15 months against this lousy dragon! He is at rest now, in a better place. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and messages over the past months. They really kept me going. Love to all, Marge |
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| Lehua's Life and Death | Lehua's Refuge |